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just getting it out there

etched on 08/21/2005 at 2:11 a.m.

My baby is starting school this week. And it's killing me. I can't even begin to describe the emotional craziness I'm feeling right now. I guess the main feeling I'm having (besides the normal stuff like how proud I am, and how sad I am that he's not my baby anymore) is inadequacy. I just am hating meself for not spending more time with him to teach him the basic things that he needs to know to go into kindergarten. I'm such a horrible mom. He'll be the only one ther who can't write his own name or recite his phone number from memory, or even recognize all of his letters by site....he does know how to SAY his abc's (thank god). WHY didn't I spend the time neccessary for him to learn these things?!?!? I've been praying so much that he won't feel badly or think poorly of himself or feel inadequate himslef because he know as much as the other kids there. It's so hard for me to watch him go off and do this himself! I'm such a worrier anyway. I'm so afraid of him getting hurt that my heart breaks at just the thought of it. I just want to shelter and portect my baby forever.LORD! I need some tissue. This is brutal! I mean, I'm so excited for him. HE is so excited. I guess I'm just wanting to hold on just a little longer. ::sigh::

And poor L. He's not gonna know what to do with himself without his big brother around to play with all the time. I don't want him to be lonely. Baby D won't be old enough for a while for him to play with and e just don't have the money to get him involved in anything with other kids outside of the home right now.

Anyway......


Wow, been forever huh. Well. I've been going through some roiling emotions and just needed somewhere to vent it out. Those of you who still have me on your list.......Hi.

Anyway, I dont even know who may or may not relate to this. I just need to get my feelings out there....whether anyone reads or not.

Random Note: ebay is my new best friend. I can drown my sorrows in spending money. It's a beautiful thing!

I'm feeling a little The current mood of btrflyLove at www.imood.com

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